I’ve been a contest ‘ho before and probably will be again.  What I’ve learned is that entering contests is like playing the lottery.  Results should not be taken too seriously.  If you win one or even get a chance to be read by an editor, that’s great, but don’t spend too much emotional or professional energy on them.  Beware:  do not allow yourself to be discouraged.  Discouragement is very bad for writers.  It’s not motivating and the most important thing you do as a writer is show up at your keyboard and write.

If you’re unpublished, you can use contests as one of several tools to get an intro to an editor.  In my opinion, more often than not, getting published requires a multi-prong approach.  Think of it as a fork.  Before you get the fork, however, you need to finish the book and get it into the best shape you can.

Then you’re ready for your fork, the prongs of which can represent different approaches to cracking into publishing.  One prong could be making editor appointments at conferences.  Another could be contests.  Another could be learning to write outstanding query letters (a skill I never learned).

Other news, wedding is over.  My daughter and her husband are on their island honeymoon.  Here’s a pic from the wedding.  So sweet and so happy.  I jumped the fence and blogged more about the wedding, etc over at www.loveisanexplodingcigar.com   Come over and comment! 

Next up, RWA CONFERENCE IN SAN FRANCISCO!  At the literacy bookfair on Thursday at 5:30pm, I think the babes are doing Babe Bingo with PRIZES!   Don’t miss it!  I’m also giving away “Scandalicious” t-shirts to the first 10 people who say to me BILLIONAIRE’S MARRIAGE BARGAIN! 

 Babe Rhonda and I are giving a workshop “Got Problems?  We’ve Got Solutions” at 4:30 pm on Thursday where we will be holding drawings.  Yes, it’s gonna be fun and amazingly productive!  So come see us!

I’ll close with a quote falsely attributed to Mark Twain, but true all the same.  “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”  Pack your sweater.

xo,

Leanne Banks

BILLIONAIRE’S MARRIAGE BARGAIN  coming in August!

When I first started writing romance novels, friends who were also unpublished, but more experienced, recommended I enter various contests sponsored by different affiliated chapters of Romance Writers of America.  We also had to prepare and enter the Holy Grail of all romance contests -- RWA's Golden Heart!

Here's some of the stuff I learned.  Judging is subjective.  Some judges commonly score high; others habitually score low.  The same entry can earn you raves from one judge, while a second judge's comments will make you feel like you suck scum on the bottom of the writing pond.

In the early days, a lot of writers enter contests for the feedback.   Often, that's worth the entry fee.  However, almost as often the judges' comments don't provide any "useable" advice.   Even someone who loves your entry and gives it an awesome score might not say, "I scored it high because you do this, this and this."

All in all, I'd rather get a low score from a judge who offers a concrete, great critique of what didn't work for her than a rave that tells me nothing.

While some contests, and there are lots of excellent ones out there, might truly help you hone and improve your writing, I think all of them help you toughen up and develop the thick skin you need in this business.   That contest judge who points out that your conflict is weak or that your characters need to be developed more like real people, isn't trying to hurt your feelings.  She might tell you something you really need to hear to polish your work before you send it to an editor. 

Once you've been working for awhile and have risen higher than a complete beginner (and finished the book!) look for contests where editors and agents judge the final round.  If your entry finals, it's like passing Go and collecting $200 in Monopoly.  You bypass the slush piles and land on an editor's desk for an actual read.  I personally know several people whose full manuscripts were requested by editors or agents because of that entry.

That's why I tried to enter contests where I had to send an entire first chapter, or first three chapters. 

Remember to hold onto the thick skin, no matter what.  I entered All Keyed Up (my first book) in a contest and received tremendous scores like 128 and 129 out of a possible 130.  The contest coordinator sent it off to an editor in the publishing house I'd targeted.

The editor hated it.  Didn't get it.  Didn't like the hero. Didn't like anything, as I recall.

But, and this is a big booty-licious but, she was only one editor.  One opinion.  Obviously another editor really liked the book or it would never have been published.

Here's my last bit of advice about contests.  They aren't the be all and end all.  Many authors never enter a contest, or enter and never final, and still manage to sell to a publisher.  Lots of people have finaled or won the Golden Heart and never sold a book.

Take what's valuable for you and leave the rest.

********************************************

Personal note:  Want to receive a free book?  I'm giving away copies of All Keyed Up and Key of Sea in my own personal Literacy Benefit.  read all about it over on my blog.  Click here for the scoop.

This week’s topic revolves around preparing to go to a conference. The conference everyone is preparing for is RWA National. Sadly, this year, I am unable to attend.  *le sigh*

I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to meet up with the other Babes. I’ll miss seeing other longtime friends and meeting up with my agent and editor. I’m bummed I’m going to miss the big Harlequin party and I’m bummed about missing out on the great workshops. BUT… I don’t have to worry about packing! And believe me, I’m one of those who spends weeks obsessing over the perfect conference wardrobe.

Anyway, as a way of diverting the non-conference blues, I’m going to go off topic and share some good news.

I JUST SOLD TWO NEW BOOKS TO HQN!

Yes, I’m SHOUTING! Because, I’m so EXCITED!

WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!       

Okay. I feel better now. 

Babes Blog – RWA prep

Hurray, hurray, for RWA J

I missed last year’s conference for family reasons, so this year I am really psyched about going.  And stressed. Psyched. Stressed. Psyched. Stressed.

This is my first year teaching a workshop – through the Beau Monde’s all day historical mini conference on July 30^th.  I’ll be teaching how to (easily) add paranormal to your historical novel.  I’m up against medieval food, so my class may cut out early, lol.

I don’t mind talking in front of people, so that part is okay.  I just want to make sure that I have the right amount of amusing material so that people aren’t bored.

We’ll even be making our own love charms.  It will be fun.  Or awful.  What if nobody comes?

Psyched – stressed. 

AND this is my first RWA book signing for literacy.  I am really looking forward to being a part of something so big and wonderful.  The problem is that it got so big that it outgrew being wonderful. I wish that everybody who wanted to be a part of this fantastic fundraiser could be, and I hope that RWA corrects this issue and makes it happen for next year.

The cool news is that I will be sitting next to Gemma Halliday – I’ll definitely be getting a signed book for Trena!  But I’m very nervous – what if I don’t sell a single book?  What if, like what happened for my signing tomorrow, the books don’t ever leave the warehouse? Psyched and stressed – well, stressed is totally winning.

When I’m stressed, I can’t do anything.  Literally.  I veg in front of the television and watch Rock of Love reruns.  I worry about things like if Brett Michaels will ever really find his true love…because it’s much easier than worrying over packing and hemming and ironing.  Or studying for a flawless workshop.  Or – wait – write, lol.  I am a week behind schedule on my current W I P.

I can’t be stressed – I just don’t have the time for it! Which means I need to dig deep for my Psyched reserve so that I can get some projects finished before leaving on Monday.  I will have everything done.

Sunday by midnight

See you there!!

Traci

RWA. One small rectangular suitcase. So many, many pairs of shoes. And handbags.

What's an accessory 'ho to do?

Well, one thing's for sure: I do not make charts or graphs or spreadsheets, color-coded or not. Charts and graphs and spreadsheets are sort of against my religion. They take all the fun out of things!

So, picture me shuffling into the bedroom with its bright purple accent wall, two hat-racks loaded with purses of every size, shape and color, and more purses hanging on the backs of the double doors. We won't mention the three other shelves of purses in the closet, because that might start to get embarrassing.

I enter the bedroom and then veer right, stopping at the two large bookcases, each loaded with ten shelves which are, in turn, each loaded with four pairs of shoes. By my calculations this means that there are eighty pairs of shoes alone just on these shelves. We won't mention the whole rack in the closet, or the large bin in the closet, because that, again, might get embarrassing.

Anyway.

So the little kid in me brightens as if I've just entered a candy store with a hundred dollars to spend.

The responsible adult in me (yeah, there is one, believe it or not) cringes at the array. The responsible adult growls that I should get a life, that I could probably own a small piece of real estate for all the $ I've spent on shoes and bags. I could also be sponsoring starving families somewhere instead of indulging in this crass consumption.

But back to the little kid, who wants to take every shoe on the shelves to RWA, along with a bag that somehow coordinates. And then maybe a scarf or necklace to tie it all together?

Clearly, this little kid needs to be disciplined.

Fortunately, given my mania for accessories, I'm not that creative when it comes to the actual meat and potatoes of getting dressed. I own a lot of solids in pants/skirts/tops. So I start there: generally with something black. Eventually other solid things get pulled out and tossed on the bed, possibly on top of the cat.

Then I get to move on to my favorite part, the dessert of dressing for a conference, so to speak. With difficulty, I try to choose no more than five or six pairs of shoes. It's tough because the evening ones are so much fun: the ones with blinding sparkles, say, or multi-colored discs attached to the toes. The ones with the heels that looks like lightening bolts. The ones that have the dangling silver charms. 

Now it's bag time! Can I take the bag that looks like a '56 chevy, complete with tail-lights and metal door-handle? The one in the shape of a watering can? The teapot? The high-heeled shoe that zips down the center, given to me by my friend Joan? Or maybe the bag shaped like the nail-polish bottle or that other cool one that looks like a rotary-dial phone . . .

Can you see the dilemma? Okay, I stop way short of asking you to feel my pain.

So after all of this stuff is assembled, I see if it will mash into the one suitcase. If it won't all fit, then I have to start discarding things. Of course, this causes great anguish.

Finally, the cat jumps out of the suitcase where it's gotten buried again. It glares at me. It shames me. I mean, the cat walks around every day for all of its nine lives only getting to wear ONE cat suit. And no cool shoes or bags!

I try to gain a little perspective from this. I put away at least twenty selections that are completely unnecessary. I throw in a couple of pairs of Spanx, thinking resentfully that the cat doesn't need those either . . .

I zip the suitcase. The cat saunters off and scratching sounds coming from the general direction of her litter box communicate what she really thinks of me and other humans who get to change their human suits every day for fun and profit. 

And there's a smug look on her face when she emerges: no matter what I end up packing for RWA, I will never have a tail to flounce, like hers.

Happy Thursday from me and the cat, Karen

First, sorry about last week, I was on a family vacation and was asked (begged, actually) to stay off my cell and off my computer.  It was a long 12 days - I think there should be some sort of patch you can put on when you have to go technology-less cold turkey. It was harder than I thought.

I've often thought it would be a great idea ito just pack nothing and tell everyone the airlines lost your luggage - waaay easier.

On to the wondrous topic of Conference packing prep.  I go to conferences for different reasons.  RWA, for me, is a social function.  It’s an opportunity to share face time with buds I only see once a year.  It’s also an opportunity to meet with my editors and my fab agent - have I mentioned recently that she negotiated one hell of a deal for me lately?  Love Donna Bagdasarian.

I digress.  I have a ‘packing list’ on my computer.  I have one for cold weather and one for warm weather.  I also have duplicates of almost everything, I learned to do this in 1994 when an FBI agent was speaking to a chapter I belonged to and he said his team always had their ready bags at hand.  I didn’t know what he meant, so I raised my hand and asked what a ready bag was.   He said it was pre-packed necessities so all an agent would have to do is maybe add a coat and sweater or switch out short sleeves for long sleeves.  My ready bag has all of my hair stuff (you’d never know it took so many products to make such average looking hair, did ya?) combs, candles, robe, p.j.s, socks, hose (though I haven’t worn those suckers in a long time), Clorox Hard Surface Spray (a MAJOR must) shoes that go with conference gear.  I ALWAYS have blank FedEx shipping labels - get an account, it’s free, they charge your credit card and will show up anywhere to make a pick-up.  I hear UPS does this too,  whatever one is fine.

Then I color code a sheet with my daily appointments and decide what I’ll wear to each thing, then I make a color-coordinated list and hit the closet.  Now here’s the terrible part . . . my husband does the actual physical packing for me.  I swear the man could manage to fit a polar bear in a sandwich baggie!  I always ship my promo stuff to myself at the hotel - just address it yourself, Print Guest in large letters and date of check-in), then the hotel’s address.  Now if you’re really feeling organized,  include a return shipping box (folded flat) and a return shipping bill so you can send things home.  Anything that weighs a lot gets shipped, especially since I’m already paying the 2 bag and overweight charges.

My biggest problem is packing to go home.  Super Bob isn’t there to help me.

And no, I don’t shop pre-conference unless weight gain/loss comes into play.  The only thing I must have done are nails, toes and hair.  It doesn’t seem to bother me that people have seem me in the same outfit 5 years running, but one white hair or chipped toenail polish is a huge thing.

Happy Packing!

Rhonda

Hi from Weddingland!   I'm off topic today because I'm up to my eyebrows in tulle.  I learned something new this week.  Fluffing bows can irritate carpal tunnel syndrome.  Never knew that.  Also do not possess the fluffing bow skill set, so I'm hoping people won't look at the satin and tulle suckers too closely.

I loved Mary's post about packing.  I do panic packing the night before a big trip, but I'm going to try Toni's method this year.  She actually makes a spreadsheet with every event she will attend and plans her clothing, purse, shoes and jewelry for each appointment.  What makes this trip a little more difficult is that it's to San Francisco.  How can a girl look summery when she's wishing she had her knee socks!

Oops I hear my bows calling.  I'll leave you with a couple of pics.  The first features three generations of brides wearing dresses made of toilet paper.  Yes, that's my mom, my daughter and me. 

And here's the romantic cover for my upcoming August Silhouette Desire, BILLIONAIRE'S MARRIAGE BARGAIN!  More next week!

xo,

Leanne

www.leannebanks.com

Continuing our conference themed topics, this week we're talking about "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Conference".

All I can think about is that a couple of nights ago, a friend hit me up in IMs and asked if I was ready to go.

Huh?  It's still two weeks away.  I have not yet begun to prepare. 

Do people really begin packing days and days ahead of leaving for an event?  I know it's a big conference and all, but it isn't that difficult to put clothes, shoes, accessories and toiletries in a suitcase, is it?  No matter what the trip, I never pack until the night before I leave.  Most of the time, I have to wait for the last load of laundry to finish in the dryer so I can depart with the freshest, cleanest underwear.

Granted, I've begun musing about which clothes to take.  My wardrobe for a writers' conference moves several steps up the style scale from my daily work clothes.  (For those who don't know, during the day I work for a nonprofit dolphin facility in the Florida Keys.  My professional attire consists of a staff T-shirt, shorts, sandals and sunscreen.)

I've actually purchased a couple of new outfits.  Not that I didn't have enough clothes in my closets, but it's been awhile since I went to the RWA Conference.  I wanted a few new dresses.  Nothing wrong with that, right?

The new purchases make it really easy to organize myself for the eventual packing to come.  Some were purchased online, so as soon as I received them and tried them on, I folded them neatly and put them on the bed in the spare room.  That's where I do my serious packing.  When I finally get around to doing it.

For those of you who think I'm taking this entirely too casually, I'll let you in on a little secret.  A few days before I leave, I suddenly go into a massive obsessive state about my wardrobe.  I'll think over and over and over again about whether I've selected enough clothes for every day of the conference.  Then I'll worry about how many pairs of shoes I need.  Tell myself a dozen times that this is one of the few times in the year when I have to wear some sort of hose.  I remind myself again and again not to forget about some fun party clothes for the evenings, the semi-formal outfit for the awards ceremony, and enough casual-but-nice togs just in case.

Here's a tip that I recently taught myself.  When I have selected all of the clothes that I need, I pick one additional "just in case" outfit.  You know -- just in case someone spills a pitcher of salad dressing on me at lunch; just in case I snag my trousers on something and rip out the seat; just in case . . .  Fill in the blank.

One more tip:  I always through in an extra pair of contact lenses, too.  Just in case.

Right now, I'm cool, calm and collected about the whole thing.  In two weeks I'll be darting from closet to closet pulling out jackets, dresses, tops, skirts, and pant suits.  Even after I zip up the suitcase and am on my way to the airport, I'll worry whether I've forgotten some vitally necessary article of clothing.

My friends who planned in advance probably won't have that worry.

I’m not copping out, I swear. But this is another one of those instances where being the last to post on a topic means having nothing more to add. My fellow Babes have covered everything I would have touched on regarding Tips on Attending a Conference and then some.  

Instead, I’m going to zone in on one word: Networking. As a somewhat shy person, that word used to make me cringe. Then I stumbled upon a fantastic book and realized that, by just being me, I was actually pretty darn good at networking. That book is:  Power Networking – 55 Secrets for Personal & Professional Success (By: Donna Fisher and Sandy Vilas). Here’s what they offered that helped me to put networking in perspective.

Networking is not:

Ø      Selling

Ø      Using people strictly for your gain

Ø      Coercing or manipulating someone to do what you want

Ø      Putting friends or associates on the spot

Ø      Badgering people about your business

Networking is:

Ø      The process of gathering, collecting, and distributing information for the mutual benefit of you and the people in your network

Ø      The genuine expression of interest in others and the willingness to contribute and support them when possible

Ø      Giving as well as getting information

You get the drift. And that’s just a teeny fraction of what this book has to offer. I’ll leave you with that recommended reading as well as my overall tip on attending any conference.

Be gracious, genuine, courteous, and above all, generous. Expect nothing in return and you’ll be rewarded tenfold.

Ha. You want conference tips from moi? I don't think so!

I am the author most likely to smile at my publisher with a spinach leaf between my front teeth. I'm the author most likely to snort wine out of my nose or catch my heel in the Grand Ballroom carpet, flail wildly and expose my Spanx to the romance fiction world.

It's entirely possible that I will sneeze at a lunch with my editor and the padding on the left side of my WonderBra will shoot out and land in her soup.

A lot of people tell me that I don't look like the type to embarrass myself at a conference, so let me remind you once again not to judge a book by its cover or its author by her suit.

Here's the best advice I can give you regarding conferences: don't make all the mistakes that I've made over the years.

Don't run up to your favorite Big Dog Author and babble at her uncontrollably until she starts to gently mock you. "So, we're like sisters, is that what you're saying? Yeah, I can see that . . . " said one NYT Bestseller to me, rolling her eyes at her companion.

Now, the companion in this case was yet another NYT Bestseller, whose work I actually hadn't read. So foolishly I blurted out that fact, as if to say that I'd love to be embarrassingly worshipful of her, too, but gee, she wasn't important enough in my idiot world.

HEAD-SLAP!!!

Oh, but here's an even better one. Please do NOT turn to an internationally reknowned author with a fixed social smile and ask her how long she's been writing romantic suspense . . . when she doesn't! Fortunately this author thought my faux pas was quite funny and I eventually stopped squirming long enough to pass her the butter.

And here's another of my favorites: don't confuse one author with another. I once had a thirty-minute conversation with a woman whom I was convinced was somebody else entirely.

So. Try to maintain your own dignity at conferences even if I can't.

I do actually have a couple of useful tips, though. DON'T CRASH PUBLISHER PARTIES TO WHICH YOU HAVEN'T BEEN INVITED.

DON'T BRING YOUR PROPOSAL OR MANUSCRIPT TO A CONFERENCE. Don't chase anyone with it, don't slip it under a bathroom stall to an editor and for God's sake, do NOT have it delivered to an agent's hotel room.

DO be professional, polite and try to learn everything you can from workshops and people you meet.

DO send thank-you notes to people who go out of their way to help you.

DON'T get desperate and think that this conference is your only or last shot to impress someone in the publishing world. There are always other conferences and new people to meet.

That's about all I have to offer, but God forbid that I should end on a serious note.

Finally, though this business of trying to get--and stay--published makes all of us a bit crazy, don't have a meltdown and streak through the conference. Yep, you'll get edited that way: someone will throw a jacket over your nudity. You'll get an agent, too--a law enforcement agent, who will come and forcibly remove you from the facilities!

Happy Thursday, Karen

I’ve been to 17 or 18 national conferences.  Here’s my best of the best tips:

Try not to check into the hotel the Wednesday of the mass booksigning.  Long Line city!!!!  If you do, make the best of it and make a new friend.  In fact, it’s likely that you will be stuck in a line at some point during the conference, so take the opportunity to make a friend.

Take business cards.

Before the conference, study the workshop brochure and make a special note of the workshops you most want to attend.  Make a schedule for yourself with an alternative workshop if the first one doesn’t deliver, but be flexible. 

There is little wisdom in the advice “We can sleep when we’re dead.”  I know that national conference is like a giant candy store, but the truth is you need to plan for some downtime.  You’ll be in better shape to absorb all the good stuff if you take a break (nap).

Try to meet at least one or two new people.

Editor Appointments:

If you’ve completed a manuscript, scheduling an appointment with an editor is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your career.  I consider the editor appointment the best bang for your conference money buck.

Study the line for which you want to write.  Read some of the books edited by the editor with whom you’re meeting.

If you don’t want to pitch, ask questions instead.  Suggested questions:  What recent acquisition has really excited you?  What do you love about it?  What’s your dream submission?  What are you sick to death of seeing?  What do you feel isn’t working?  What is your turnaround time?   After those questions, give the editor your card and say “I’ve written a book for (name of editor’s publisher).  May I send it to you?”  I have NEVER been refused.

Come and say hello to me at the Literacy Bookfair and drop into the Brainstorming Workshop Rhonda Pollero and I will be presenting.  We will not only be dispensing gold nuggets of information, we will also solve problems and hold drawing for giveaways.  What’s not to love?!

Xo,

Leanne Banks

www.leannebanks.com 

It's conference month for various writers.  Thrillerfest kicks off in New York City this Wednesday.  At the end of July on the 30th, Romance Writers of America holds its annual conference in San Francisco.  (I'm going, as are most of the other Babes and I can't wait!)

I don't know about the thriller writers, but we romance writers go full tilt at the national conference every year.  Workshops start early in the day and the publisher parties and cocktail lounge gab fests run late. 

 As a friend once told me, "We won't trash the hotel, but we will close the bar."

Publisher spotlights, author chats, editor/agent appointments, book giveaways, annual general meeting.  Wow, what an itinerary.

It can be a little intimidating for a first timer.  Hell, it can intimidate anybody unless you're a confirmed extrovert.    If you counted up all of the conferences attended over the years by all of the Babes, I'm sure the number would run into dozens and dozens.  We're veterans, for sure, so this week we're offering up tips for making the most, or at the very least surviving, your conference experience.  Even if you never plan to attend a writing related event, the hints should serve you well at almost any professional gathering.

You're going to meet a lot of people at a conference.  This is a good thing.  Writers can be pretty entertaining conversationalists.  You can also network like crazy and make a lot of terrific contacts on all levels -- editors, agents, other writers, potential readers, someone to design your website or help you with promotion. 

There are endless opportunities to make a memorable impression.

It's your job to make sure that people remember you with a smile and not a groan and exaggerated eye-roll.

Here's my number one tip:  Be friendly and be nice.

You'd think that would go without saying, but I've seen people behave with almost complete lack of manners and common sense.

Greet people politely.  Engage strangers in conversation.  If you see someone who needs a hand, offer to help.  Invite someone to join your table at lunch.  Hold the elevator for the person rushing to get in. 

Don't bulldoze through a crowd of people to launch into conversation with a big name author, even if she is your number favorite of all time.  Those people have as much right as you to stand there and you might just have knocked the author's mother, editor, agent and two best friends on their butts.

Don't cut in front of people waiting in line at one of the free book giveaways.

Don't talk about yourself as if you are the most talented author to walk the earth since Nora Roberts.  Nora doesn't talk about herself that way, so you have no business doing so.

Don't trash another author's book while you're sitting at the bar, or anywhere for that matter.  The person next to you might be her editor, critique partner, or good friend, and she just read your name on your name tag and commited it to memory.

Don't complain about your publishing house, editor or agent at the bar either.  If you aren't yet published, don't complain that this or that editor or agent just can't appreciate your talent and that's why he/she didn't sign you.  Trust me, the complaining will come back to bite you on your butt.

This is a professional conference.  You're supposed to be a professional.  Act like one.  That's a given.  Act like the nice, pleasant, friendly person you are.  That's a plus.

Enjoy yourself!

This week we’ve been discussing hidden talents and skills. I don’t know about you, but I’ve gotten kick out of reading the other Babes confessions. It will be hard for me to look at Traci now without envisioning her spitting watermelon seeds.

I have to say, where artistic talent is concerned, I’ve been blessed. I’ve made my living for more than thirty years as a professional entertainer. I can sing, dance, act, choreograph, write and direct. I didn’t go to school for any of it. Mostly it comes naturally and is honed by watching and learning from peers. It’s the other side of my brain that was gypped. I am the living opposite of Rhonda. No memory. No skill with gadgets and gizmos. Why can’t I have it all?   No, wait. I could do without Mary’s talent for killing flies with a ballpoint pen. Ick.

Anyway, as far as hidden talents go, I can’t think of any.  I do however have a bizarre talent for NOT being able to screw on a cap or lid properly. That extends to NOT being able to open a package (like a potato chip bag or cereal box) without mangling it.

Check any bottle in my house. The laundry detergent, the seltzer water bottle, the peanut butter jar. If the lid is screwed on crooked, I was the last one to use it. Ditto on the various mangled box-tops and the broken zip-locks on the deli bags. My husband continually comments on this bizarre quirk. How do you do that? How can you NOT screw the lid on straight? How can you destroy every package?

I honestly don’t know. It’s a gift.